I'm Disappointed!

in myself mostly.
I should be outside, finding things about this city that i can love, or grow to love, and i'm not.
I'm sitting in front of my computers, waiting for my job to send me work to design.
I wish introverts could just decide one day that they've had enough and turn a complete 180.
That sounds like i'm giving my behavior an excuse.
I promised myself that i would go out everyday and find something, some place new.
Call it nesting or fear of the unknown or whatever.
I get out everyday, just to places I've already been. Atleast I have some sort of comfort level here. My first week by myself I had none.
I wish i didn't take me so long to adapt.
If this were a test I think i'd be close to an F. Not completely failing, but one of those procrastinating slackshits that i hated so much when i was in school who would pull through at the last moment, but with no real goals, no vision.
I keep telling myself that i need to be sitting in front of my computers, the more i'm here, the more work I'll get to do, and the more i can actually go out and spend money.
I'm making money my excuse now.

Theres too many reasons. Too many reasons to not and too many reasons to.
And i'm sick of myself, that i can't pick one to go on and say fuck the rest.